SYTYCD Review

(For regular readers ... I'm part of a small contingent who watch a silly dance show on FOX called "So You Think You Can Dance." This week is my turn to write the review and thus this space is dedicated to that show. Feel free to read if you like, but beyond the picture up front, is completely Megan free.)

First of all, I must apologize for being silent these past few rounds … as the new guy I couldn’t find your various sites on the Internet, and life got in the way, blah blah blah. But now that we’re in VEGAS BABY, I’m back. So please excuse my minor tardiness.

I felt the best way for you to experience the vibe here at BP Manor is to follow my running diary of the events. Enjoy.

8:00 – Joe Buck teased me at the onset thinking I might be watching baseball. SIKE! I have Jillian operating the Tivo remote, Espen snoring on a chair, and a Mountain Dew and some Chips Ahoy Chocolate Deluxe by my side. Let’s do this. Last week, Nigel and the crew were RUTHLESS as they cut dancers down to 77 like they were Slap Choppin’ chumps. I’m feeling the heat just writing the review.

8:01 – “Season 6 is going to blow Season 5 out of the water” … Jill responded that sounds like her belief about husband number two. Ouch. Already we’re off to a great start.

8:02 – Aww piss. Jazz routines?!?! Why couldn’t I get hip-hop? The mood has already shifted to one of squeamishness and the opening credits are still rolling. And “home girl” even yelled at me for typing during her commands … she’s tough.

8:03 – Karen and the rest of her crew open up the night by scraping through. I’m a bit underwhelmed by the song I’m going to have to listen to for the next few sets. “Give me the green liiiiiiight …. “

8:04 – How do people feel about Nigel’s hair? I’m not feeling his Caesar cut. Whose with me? … and now he’s splitting up married couples? They just do that for the tension it causes.

8:06 - Carlos needs to learn the difference between a woman’s face and a melon and to emphasize his point, Nigel pimp slaps the air to the bass beat. You go Nigel. I think I could definitely have a beer with him, despite the haircut. Although after 4 or 5 he might get handsy with me and at that point, I’m out.

8:07 – Snip snip … seven more people cut. There’s now more people in my fantasy football league than there are dancers on this show now (inside joke for Court).

8:08 – What are the odds Molly and Russell end up dating while on this show? Vegas bookmakers won’t even place odds on that bet. It’s easy money. Meanwhile Jill says Russell doesn’t have the rhythm he should at this point … hmmm, we’ll be monitoring the rest of Jillian’s comments from here on out … by the way, whose the black lady judge? I haven’t seen her yet on the audition shows.

8:09 – “What’s a crumper?” my wife says. And honestly, I don’t know. Never good when I’m supposed to be the reviewer. Meanwhile Molly “went at it really fierce” and hurt her leg. I went at a chili cheese dog “really fierce” once … it didn’t end well for me either. Chin up Molly. And if you don’t want anyone to know … DON’T TELL CAT DEELEY!

(Fast forward through ads obviously targeted to the female viewer)

8:13 – Only 69 dancers left … HA HA … wait, what? I’m the only one laughing. Lame.

8:14 – I’m worried for Russell’s group as soon as I hear the phrase, “It’s 11 o’clock and we’re done.” On reality shows, that is the kiss of death … let’s wait and see.

8:15 – Annnnnnnndddddddd … obviously I was WAY wrong. Good work Russell and crew … now go take care of Molly and her ankle.

8:16 – “Be amazing every time or else you gotta go” … that made Jill snicker. She wonders if that’s what he said to all his ex-boyfriends.

8:19 – I (heart) that Akon song. If I ever went clubbin’ I would totally bounce to it. The dance is terrible, and the judges rightly call them on it. I fear they gave Molly a pass for now but that ankle will be her downfall. Also, these “cut episodes” lend themselves to far more persnicketyness (made up word) from the judges. Makes it less fun in a way.

8:22 – A preview for “Couples Retreat” … Jill turned to me and said, “You know we’re seeing that right?” …. woo hoo?

8:24 - Mia Michaels is a cutter? Yikes. Not a good message for America’s teens. But I like the Halloween music in the background. But, what’s that? Someone tapped into her inner-Enya apparently. Jill doubts her credibility as a choreographer. On what grounds? Her looks. Alright then. It must be the Drew Carey glasses.

8:26 – Nigel’s canary yellow jacket causes my HD tuner to crumble. Thanks Nigel. And Tyce always looks confused at the end of each performance. Like my 19-month-old daughter when I ask her to say please. But at least he talks. Somebody check Shankman for a pulse. Is he alive up there?

8:27 – Mary Murphy tells us the hip-hoppers are “killin’ it” tonight … much like the botox injections have done to the muscles on her face.

8:28 – And our first twist of the night … folks at the BP Manor had Legacy packing his bags … I was even ready for the obligatory shot of Mary crying, but they embrace his “imperfectness’ whatever the heck that means and let him stay. Let’s be honest, he needed to go at this point. He isn’t the dancer the rest of them are. He’s just not.

8:30 – We see Russell cry on the phone to his mom with tears of joy. It’s officially getting dusty at the Manor now. Okay fine I admit it. The Molly thing was a cover. I have a bromance with Russell and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Whew. I feel better now. On to the second half …

8:31 – Have they not played “waking up in vegas” as a lead-in from break yet? Did I miss it last week? It seems like such a no-brainer, I can’t believe it. ARGH … Broadway?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

8:35 – Jillian says, “Tyce seems appropriate to be choreographing for Broadway, let’s put it that way.” So she’s now slightly disparaged two disenfranchised groups … let’s see if she can hit the triple crown before the end of the show.

8:36 – MORE injuries? Seriously, this is turning into like a cross-promotion with Gray’s Anatomy at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised to see McDreamy walking down the aisle to treat these people. Well, after he got a latte and fixed his hair. Details people. All jokes aside, I NEVER want to see a shot at that mutated ankle ever again.

8:38 – As they recap Ashley’s audition, I find it a bit ironic that Mary said her expressions seemed “a bit fake.” I know I already made one botox comment already, but really Mary? Just complete irony. And if you don’t think it’s eating Ashley up that her husband is doing better than her, you’re crazy. She seems the needy type and won’t keep that bottled in for much longer before she snaps at someone. Luckily, Nigel saved himself from being skinned by praising her.

8:45 – “I Make Them Good Girls Go Bad” … now that’s what I’m talking about. Was that pool montage entirely for the skeazy male stalkers out there? You’re better than that Fox. And Jillian? “I just do NOT like the redhead, I’m sorry.” Are redheads a minority group? They are. DING DING DING. Jill is on fire.

8:47 – Adam Shankman’s alive everybody. His comment? “I need to go to the gym right now,” when he sees Ryan topless. Unfortunately, he only echoed the thoughts in my head. This is why I hate this show. Too many guys in great shape. Ugh. I think I’ll have another cookie.

8:48 – I liked Ryan until the “does it turn you on?” comment. Ick. Even Jill thought it was cheesy. She did think the body looked good though. Damn. Annnndddd I’m off to eat another cookie.

8:49 – Tyce apparently falls in love with every male dancer on stage. Not even sure what to think about that scene.

8:51 – Dominic , who looks creepily like Usher to me, is DEVASTATED by the news and has a stage 5 meltdown on stage. I felt icky at first at Nigel’s biting commentary but he was spot on. I used to think he was a Simon Cowell wanna-be but Nigel’s growing on me.

8:56 – C’mon FOX. I asked for no more freaky ankle shots. Jerks.

8:58 – Billy Bell is too pale and too frenetic for me, but Shankman is in a tizzy over him. Did he just find out who his biological parents are or watch a kid dance? You’d never know from his reaction. I don’t understand the visceral emotions the judges have to these performances. Don’t they see thousands of dancers perform? It was good, but cry-worthy? C’mon Adam.

8:59 – Alright I’m a hypocrite. That ending montage was PHENOMENAL, at least until the shot of the yellow loincloth outfit. Ummm, okay?

9:00 – Nigel thanks me for my hard work and says we’ll be down to the Top 20 next week. Hopefully my performance tonight puts me in the Top 20 of reviewers for this season. Peace out from the Manor … until next week.