In a somewhat shameless, self-serving plug, Jillian and I registered at 'Babies 'R Us' yesterday. I tell you this not so you feel the need to rush out and buy us fabulous gifts to help defray some baby costs, but so that I can purge my brain of the process.

No, the reason I tell you this is to prepare some of you for the most excruciating day of your life. Soon you will talk about kids. Ah yes, wonderful, beautiful babies. You will love them, kiss them, hold them ... basically cherish them. And when you think of babies you think of cute outfits, diapers, and pacifiers. My advice for you is simple .... vasectomy. I'm not joking. Here's one man's story:

We leave the house at 10:45. I tell my beautiful, glowing wife that I need breakfast/lunch before we do this, to be in the proper frame of mind. I won't focus if I know the sooner I leave the store the sooner I am to food. My baby needs me focused in the decision making area. Jillian, normally a wise and brilliant soul, dangles a carrot in front of me. She promises that if we go and knock out the registry we can treat ourselves to a big lunch at Pappadeux's (a seafood restaurant just down the street). For a Southern boy like myself, this is a RARE treat. I immediately give in.

We walk in to Babies R Us at about 11:10. We walk OUT of Babies R Us about 2:10. That's right. THREE hours later. And when we leave, I'm not more comfortable about my choices as before we walked in there. And let me tell you, I've been reading baby/parenting books non-stop. I made an Excel spreadsheet of the things I read, which products other mom's endorsed, what to look for when buying certain items, etc. I wanted to do everything I could to make a proper decision.

Then you stare up at a wall with 100 pacifiers, from 10 different manufacturers, with each company offering (no joke) four different types of pacifiers. Do you buy the orthodontic or the round ones? The silicone or latex ones? GULP. That was just the beginning.

When you register for your wedding it is a mini-nightmare. But in the end, at least you know what you want and you know the gifts are for you. When registering for a baby, you have NO idea what this little being will want/like, AND everything you're choosing is for someone else. That second thing sounds childish, but it's basically the same point as the first. Which of the 50 car seats will work best for my kid? Which of the 200 strollers will be best? They all have cup holders, one-hand folding options, blah blah blah. How do you make an informed decision about something you have no idea about? And that's before we even talk about breast pumps. I can't imagine making that personal of a decision and not having any idea how it will feel to do THAT.
I guess yesterday was just the first day I just felt really overwhelmed by this whole process. Jill and I want to do the best for our little girl, and how do I know if I'm doing that, when I'm standing in front of a wall of 80 different types of bottles? Much like every other stage in this journey where people who have been there can warn you all they want, but it's not until it's a personal decision of your own does it hit you. As warped as it sounds for a 30 year old man to say, I'm scared the decisions I made yesterday will positively/negatively affect the growth and development of my baby daughter. Did I choose the right toy? the right jumper? the right swing? Everything within me hopes I'm making the right choices. And I know this is ridiculous and we'll be fine. But the thoughts are there. I've never worried about stuff like this before. Perhaps this is my first step into true fatherhood.

To finish the story, at 2, we rushed through picking out a few clothing accesories because damnit, we can't have a naked baby. So if the clothing choices look terrible, don't blame us. We were hungry and promise the baby will have clothes at some point. A man can only be introspective so long before the call of fried shrimp and crawfish start affecting his brainwaves.