A PG-13 rated story for your day

(Ed. note - I told this story to Jillian this morning and decided I HAD to share it with the world. Foreshadowing is big in this piece, and I would suggest not drinking apple juice while reading.)

Yesterday was a tough day personally. Not because of Megan. I found a handyman on craigslist because we wanted to replace the laminate on our bathroom vanity and fix a cabinet. Well, he showed up, couldn't fix the cabinet, and took 11 hours to glue 3 pieces of laminate over top of existing laminate. I was internally livid. But I had this fear that at any point he might start attacking me, so I played nice.

Jillian is out of town until late tonight so once he left it was just Megan, who was already asleep, and me. I tried going to bed at a normal time but couldn't fall asleep. It was my first night at home without Jillian and I'm not used to the sounds in the house. So I kept convincing myself it was the freaky handyman coming back to hatchet me into bits. So I didn't fall asleep until 1:30.

(At this point I know you're like ... get to the story already. Simmer down. The back story is important.)

ANYWAY, Megan woke up from her bed at 5 am. (Thanks sweetie.) But I took her into my room and we fell back asleep together. I woke up at 6:30 to her trying to climb our headboard like it was El Capitan. That unnerved me. So I groggily picked her up, went downstairs to get her morning sippy cup, and carried her back upstairs.

On the way, I needed to use the bathroom. I took the sippy cup from her which caused her some angst so I grabbed the nearby pacifier. Now I couldn't put her on the bed because I'd be scared she would crawl off. And I couldn't put her on the floor because I hadn't cleaned up from the mess of the vanity job of the previous day/night (see I told you the backstory was important). So I just held her, in the dark of the morning, while I used the bathroom.

It was about midway through when she took the pacifier out of her mouth and started fiddling with it. In my best pleading voice I told my little precious to pleasepleaseplease not drop it in the toilet. She was perilously close, I could tell.

Well, right when I was finished, I leaned over to flush and heard this; SPLASH! Ugh. "Megan," I grumbled and shuffled her over to the bed. At this point I couldn't flush it because the pacifier would clog it up. So I had to put her on the bed (which I didn't want to do, but had to) and walked back over, turned on the light, and had to fish out the pee-covered pacifier.

It went in the trash can (although my wife asked me that question I guess assuming I might try to wash it off?!?! O ye of little faith my dear.) and I washed my hands vigorously.

After that it was our normal morning routine. But thought you'd appreciate a peek in the day of a life of a 14-month-old. Every day ... such a blessing.